Monday, January 5, 2009

EPA is taxing cow and pig . . . what?!

As reported by the Business and Media Institute, the New Year is hardly in, and the EPA is attempting to reduce air pollution.

Gee, that is what EPA does, right?

What’s the big deal?

The EPA is proposing to reduce Green House Gas emissions from bovines and swine sources. Particularly, the methane produced by the aforementioned bovine and swine internal process of digestion resulting in . . . uh, there’s no polite way to write this . . . farts.

How does EPA propose to do this?

By imposing a tax on Bessy and Porky.

Everyone knows cows and pigs do not have any money! Otherwise the more prosperous would be using that wealth to buy dispensation from the slaughterhouse or buying out of a life of slavery in a milk barn for greener pastures or a new hog wallow.

EPA is not going to tax the animals. Instead, the old legal theory of respondent superior applies here. EPA is going to tax the farmer for each head of cow and pig owned.

The impact from this idiocy?

EPA is proposing a tax of $175 per dairy cow, $87.50 per head of cattle raised for meat, and a $20 tax per hog.

Farms with more than 25 dairy cows, 50 head of cattle, or 200 hogs would need to apply for permits from EPA, or be fined.

The American Farm Bureau estimates that the impact upon dairy operations would be a minimum of 8 cents per gallon of milk produced in the U.S.

Cows and pigs will continue to . . . fart and the farmer will be taxed.

You and I will pay more for milk, bacon, and hamburger at the grocery store check out.

Evidently, the study and methodology I wrote about quite awhile back regarding the production of methane by said bovine sources must have produced something to cause the bean counters at EPA to salivate. The regulatory hawks in the EPA obviously believe that they can bite the American consumer with impunity under the guise of taxing cow farts.

I can imagine that the proceeds from this tax might fund research into mechanical aids to reduce these now illegal methane emissions from bovine and swine . . . farts.

A plug of some sort, probably. That would be the quickest solution to the bureaucratic mind for reducing emissions.

In which case, you gotta wonder who would be the poor soul who gets the job of screwing the darn thing in?

Worse, that poor fool would not be the most popular soul in the ol’ bull pen or pig pen. Those animals are not that stupid.

Can you imagine the employment ad?

“Wanted, individual male or female, with a good mechanical aptitude and strong forearms and strong hands. Must know a right hand screw thread from a left hand screw thread. Must not be squeamish or shy about animal biological processes. Good physical dexterity and the ability to run a quarter of a mile all out would be advisable. Rubber gloves, rubber boots, goggles, gas mask, and rubber suit provided.”

Can you imagine OSHA’s reaction to the first injury produced by a full blown dairy herd blow out comprising several hundred head blowing their plugs at the same time, injuring the aforementioned poor soul?

The end result of that regulatory oversight would make a medieval knight look underdressed.

I would like to point out to EPA that the Norwegians have studied this issue. The Norgies concluded that moose . . . farts, produce more methane than do bovine . . . farts.

I note that with bovines and swines being targeted for this tax, it may be that ACLU might come to their rescue alleging prejudice, given that moose are getting off scot free. Oh, yeah.

I further note that this tax awaited a new president with a socialist bent. One would think that with all the male bovine offal coming out of the Bush Whitehouse over the last four years as G.W. tried to out liberal the libs, such a tax would have been a shoe in.

All kidding aside, this is a serious matter with serious portent for the American consumer.

The proposed tax will not affect foreign grown beef, dairy and pork.

This proposed tax is in the public review period.

Call our Congressional delegation and let them know that we are taxed enough as it is. Tell them to have EPA lay off the bovine and swine . . . farts.

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