Bovines found to be a major pollutant source . . .

(NOTE: Predecessor to the first post on this blog)
I found out something that the greenies appearing on these pages have overlooked in their global warming doom and gloom myth perpetuation. Are you prepared for this earth shattering news?

18% of the global output of greenhouse gas emissions is attributed to . . . cows. Bovines. Moos. Claribell. Oh, yeah. And, this ain't no bovine offal! This is the findings of another study, this time sponsored by the U.N.

I remember a similar study in the 70s funded by the U.S. to study bovine emissions (flatulence) to the tune of around $500,000 at the time.

I have always wondered just how the scientists measure the output of a cow=s flatulence. Must be a heck of a job, is all I can say, as methane, the primary gas emitted in the explosive digestive process of the bovine, is such a small molecule that it will pass through any gas mask filter with ease. Just ask any G.I. who has been stuck in an enclosed area with Private so and so who had beans and beer in copious quantities the night before.

Oh, yeah, there is no escaping the malodorous fragrance of any . . . fart, much less a cow . . . fart. Too, methane comes out of the rear of the bovine, which leaves the science to those less prudish, and probably on their way to a vocation in proctology. Or, at least to the rest of us, having a questionable interest in the southern end of a northbound bovine.

Can you imagine being caught down wind of a whole herd who have worked to synchronize the release of such internal pressures? Holy cow!

When one has 4 stomachs, as does the average cow, the ability to produce and pressurize is probably at an all time high for mammals.

Kind of makes one wonder what a herd of brontosaurus produced in the way of methane output? Heck, if we had a couple of brontosaurs, we probably would not need AGIA! Just shove a pipe up . . . uh, let's see . . . the rectal orifice and feed them refried beans and beer by the truck load!

The mere thought of all that saurian produced methane would give Wayne Carmony and MEA=s Board an orgasmic experience seconded only by the thought of a multi-megawatt coal fired power plant totally funded by a grant from DOE! Not to mention that the State of Alaska would not have to share any revenues produced with the feds, so long as the tail end of the brontosaurs were on state lands. (Sarah would be proud of my thinking of that one.)

Alas, saurian behemoths and not so behemoths are but stone, so long dead that none can remember seeing one. Unless, you have the DVD version of Jurassic Park and its sequels.

I read recently where Tyrannosaurus Rex DNA was recovered from fossilized muscle tissue. Hmmm. Maybe. Where is Steven Spielberg when we need him, huh? Although, the T-Rex might not be the best idea for a domesticized methane biological production unit. They probably produced great quantities of methane, but it is the feed stock that is the problem. Or is it?

If you fed the recreated T-Rex cows, you would reduce the green house emissions by 18%. Hey, an environmentally friendly greenhouse emissions solution! (Just don't stop feeding them cows!)

I guess that raises another issue regarding hamburgers, steaks, etc. In which case, Australia has a kangaroo problem. Ready made solution. Roo steaks anyone?

I have read the opinions of the local ding-a-lings passing themselves off as experts on global warming. Autos produce 14% of the emissions. Cows 18%. Now, stop and think about this for a minute. What about the spreading zones in the world's oceans? Volcanic emissions? Trees? Algae? On and on. The arrogance of the human mind.

Michael Criton had it right. Global warming is just another iteration of the fear game. A year ago it was H5N1. Previously, it was an ice age, or whatever the news mills spewed out to sensationalize beyond all reality. It is always something to instill fear and to keep the mind unsettled.

Gee, if we were not so afraid of this and that, why we might actually pay attention to the fact that Sen. Diane Feinstein directed over $1BILLION of our tax dollars to her husband's companies during her tenure on the Senate Appropriations Committee, or that H.R. 1592 just passed out of the U.S. House Judiciary Committee is an attempt to create a category of hate speech, as has been done in the commonwealth countries to such devastating effect upon free speech, especially religious free speech. Gee, I wonder which sexual preference group is behind that one?

Carbon free society my . . . donkey. Pull your heads out of your collective posteriors and know that if we do not pay attention to those we entrust to do our business in government, we will be out of a Constitution before we know it, and . . . we will be forced to read Al Gore's book!

(Forced high pitched screaming into the distance . . . )

Note: Actually, it is the cows' burp that produces most of the bovine methane released into the atmosphere. About 6 million metric tons of methane per year is burped into the atmosphere by U.S. cows. (Don't tell Al Gore, or you can kiss that Big Mac and ice cream good-bye!)

Alces Alces (Moose)

I now have a greater appreciation of those who authorized the first moose season. Their foresight was unbelievable in its wisdom. How could any have foreseen the need to reduce green house gases way back when Christ was the proverbial corporal? Even before wheeled contrivances? Simply incredible.

It seems Alces Alces (moose in geek speak) is one of those insidious creatures that contribute to global warming. (And, I bet you thought it was just too many Suburbans and Hummers that created this . . . contrived . . . crisis termed global warming.)

The noble; ugly; homely; walking sausage, roast, moose burger, steak and darn good eating (!) moose burps and explosive expulsions from the southern end of a north bound moose expels 4,230 lbs of green house gases into the atmosphere yearly.

Of course, this is in violation of the Kyoto Accords, which require countries to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions or pay penalties for their violation of same.

Alces Alces has joined the reprehensible bovine emitters of green house gas as a targeted source of forbidden emissions.

The bovine population is easily controlled through market forces. Given that the bovine is a domesticated animal, and as vegetarians proliferate, the demand for hamburgers, steaks and hotdogs dwindles accordingly, thereby resulting in a market induced reduction in bovine greenhouse gas emissions. As corduroy comes back into vogue, leather demand will fall. These two forces combine to mean fewer bovines.

We all know from a previous lesson how bovine greenhouse emissions are measured. There are strange folks who either bag the head of the animalBwhich on the surface seems to be a situation of diminishing returns, because the bag needs to be airtight to capture the gases burped up, and there=s only so much air in the bagBwell, anyway they get it done. The other method is to stick a probe . . . nah. We won=t go there. That others do and get paid for it, well, let=s just say that sometimes it=s just a slow day in the big city and guy=s gotta do what a guy, or gal, has to do. (Yuck.)

Given that, one has to wonder who in their cotton picking mind would try that with a 1200 lb moose? Even tranquilized, the animal will remember and hunt you down and stomp you into goo.

Of course, it was the Norgies (pronounced norgees) who first discovered that Alces Alces (moose) are such gross emitters of green house gases (flatulence) that they are to be considered for . . . reduction in numbers through termination with extreme prejudice during a defined period of the year for a limited number of days. Otherwise known as hunting season.

Kind of makes you wonder what passes for a good time in Norgie land, given the methodology used to determine the emissions from said Alces Alces. . . .

Lars Norgie and his ilk (and, please no whining about picking on Norgies!) will don their red orange safety vests and take to the woods with their large caliber hunting rifles and terminate about 35,000 Alces Alces, thereby doing their part to reduce green house gas emissions. Not to mention also filling their larders with moose meat.

In Norgie land, they expect to kill about 35,000 of the offensive, polluting beasts this season.

I wonder if the argument for hunting being an environmentally friendly activity will carry any weight with the greenies? Why, I bet anti-hunting advocates never realized the harm to the environment being done my the greenhouse gas emissions of Alces-Alces. Hunters are doing their part to preserve the environment.

Know ye, noble moose hunters that you will be doing the King's work in reducing the numbers of the moose population, thereby reducing greenhouse emissions to boot. Future generations who will have escaped the ravages of global warming will hold your noble efforts in high esteem.

What I am awaiting is the study on bears. That is one study I where I want to see the video on the methodology used. I can see it now.

"Here griz", calls the guy in the biohazard suit as he/she approaches with a big baggie with a tie wrap for the north end, and a stainless steel probe for the southern end. Man, I bet that gets ugly real quick! As they say on the news, film at 6.